10.7.24 - Never Asked Questions: Who I am and Why I do this
No one asked these questions but the voices in my head. Luckily, there are answers.
Who are you?
“Who am I? You sure you want to know? The story of my life is not for the faint of heart. If somebody told you it was a happy little tale, if somebody told you I was just your average ordinary guy, not a care in the world... somebody lied.“
Who is Knox?
Philander Chase Knox (May 6, 1853 – October 12, 1921) was an American lawyer, bank director and politician. A member of the Republican Party, Knox served in the Cabinet of three different presidents and represented Pennsylvania in the United States Senate.
Born in Brownsville, Pennsylvania, Knox became a prominent attorney in Pittsburgh, forming the law firm of Knox and Reed. With the industrialists Henry Clay Frick and Andrew Mellon, Knox also served as a director of the Pittsburgh National Bank of Commerce. In early 1901, he accepted appointment as United States Attorney General. Knox served under President William McKinley until McKinley was assassinated in September 1901, and Knox continued to serve under President Theodore Roosevelt until 1904, when he resigned to accept appointment to the Senate.
Who is Phillip Notting?
Phillip Notting is an unsuccessful twitter user (@KnxNts) who tweets nonsense into the void. Sometimes his girlfriend or his close friends or porno-bots like his tweets. It’s really a sad affair.
Okay who made this weird website?
Me, I’m knxnts. Knxnts is the author of Knoxnotes. This is my public notebook.
Who IRL?
IRL I’m RP. I live in Georgetown with my girlfriend and dog. I go law school in D.C. But I’m not from D.C. I have family roots in the Midwest, Pennsylvania, and the South.
Before law school, I was a writer in several capacities. I majored in Philosophy in undergrad. I wrote a column for student newspaper. I’ve had blogs under my real identity which were worse but probably more polished, but with just as scant attention. However, I wrote for an organization in a professional capacity on some policy stuff, and that was probably the biggest audience I’ve had ever. But it was mostly boring wonky stuff. And I don’t do that anymore. I’m unemployed (a student).
But why?
“Why all the pearls? Why all the hair? Why anything?”
Also:
No really?
Because now, all my professional writing will be for law. I do research and writing for a professor. I will do writing for a litigation team at a Big Law firm. I’m working on a student note on a cool topic. But it’s all law law law. If I ever do op-eds again it will probably be because I have a profile and credibility as a lawyer. And I have a lot of thoughts on all sorts of things. I like books and movies and art and I like getting in arguments about politics. But no one cares or will pay for those opinions. So what should I do, go fuck myself?
Writing is thinking. I write things down all the time. In my notes app. In my journal. In emails. In letters. In the margins of my books.
But I was afraid that as writing and reading became my “job,” I would get worse at using it for general thinking. This actually happened to me when I was working before law school. There was a very specific corporate “tone” I had to use in that job, and I wrote in it so much that it was leaking into my personal thinking and writing.
So I need to write just for the fuck of it, to preserve my sovereignty. And putting it online, in a format I find amusing, will encourage me to do that. I can’t really do that under my real identity, because people sucks and the world is stupid. It also makes it possible that other people can benefit or my thoughts, or that I can spark an interesting conversation with strangers on the internet. Which is fun.
But why is your writing so messy?
Not every thought deserves the care it takes to communicate it perfectly. Sometimes you only realize your thoughts and arguments are underformed after writing them down. To quote a great man:
“Just say it out loud to see how it feels. People say don't say this, don't say that. Just say it out loud, just to see how it feels Weigh all the options, nothing's off the table”
If I aimed for perfect, I would have less output, and at some level being a good writer and a good thinker is just a volume game. In being perfectionists, so many people choose to say nothing at all. There’s a lesson here. Writing shitty and a lot is better than writing very little very well.
I think part of me actually learned this from my friend. He produces beats. He’s been doing it for years. He made a lot of mediocre beats, but he made them all the time. Eventually, he made some very good ones. And he’s now producing for some pretty impressive names—at least, impressive in some circles of the Hip Hop scene. I also learned this from a friend’s little brother, who ended up moving up in some VERY famous rap circles because he just kept doing random shit (producing, engineering work, photography) for rappers on the west coast and eventually it stuck. Sometimes you just gotta do shit. Five beats a day for three summers. My version of that is writing nonsense. And instead of becoming a superstar, I just want to be an okay thinker, so I can be more interesting friend and boyfriend, and maybe good at my job. I also have a lot of ideas for creative writing that I want to work up to, by just being in the habit of writing things in general.
I know a lot of people who want to write more, who want to read more, who want mental space for frivolous pursuits like this. They don’t do it. I decided I would not be one of those people. A man does not live by bread alone.
Any inspirations?
links.net I want to make the modern version of links.net.
1215.org This website is also so crazy and I loved it so much. It has a wealth of knowledge and content but is also clearly run by someone with somewhat unorthodox legal views. I hope to have something as schizophrenic as this sit one day. I’m slowly working on it.
Finally, I love marginalrevolution.com. I read it every day. It taught me that blogging is a great way to even just share links, start conversations, and to engage in more law stakes writing. I’m not perfect yet, but I aim for Cowen’s advice of writing EVERY DAY.
How did you make this site?
I wanted to make a website for a long time. But I was very hung up on getting all the logistics right, so I put it off for literal years. I wanted it look good and be perfect and get it all right! I’m also stupid and used to think I needed some service to “build” the website. I used to have a Wordpress site.
If you’re also like that, stop doing that. Making a website is fucking easy and no you don’t need square or Wordpress or Wix or templates or any of that bloat. Go back to basics. Use HTML. Minimize reliance on external parties.
Here’s my post on the matter.